Poltermensch

“Okay, let’s make it an official request. ^.^ You should do an OSW on that post. About the inconvenient limitations of the human body [for a powerful being] and/or [them] being discovered =P” – @jaywrites101 on Tumblr


Jev was very proud of himself this time. He’d finally managed to drive out that damn magic-user!
This “Estri” had been a thorn in the poltergeist’s side (the irony wasn’t lost on him) for the past five months.

Before her, Jev had driven out countless humans. His friends had actually started placing bets on how long it would take him to drive out each new poor sucker. It almost never took more than a week — the longest lasting, before now, was a teenager who seemed to be enjoying themselves all the way up until Jev caused a mosquito infestation.

But that damn magic-user!
She counteracted almost all of his pranks!

Well… She was gone now. No need to worry —
Ŝanĝu korpojn!
“What th-?!”

There was a flash, and then — why was he on the floor?
And… Why did he feel… dizzy?

“Uhg…”
“Wow! I feel so… light!”
“!”
That was his voice. But-

Jev’s head snapped up.
“… Oh… Oh no. You… You — You damn magic-user!”
“HAHAhahaha! Time for a taste of your own medicine, poltergeist!”

She’d switched their bodies. Jev didn’t even know that was possible with ethereal beings like him!
… No. No, he would NOT be beaten! This was fine. She’d want her body back eventually.

Laughing, he sneered at her, “Oh this is perfect! Just think of all the mayhem I can cause with your own body!”
She just smirked at him — and floated off.
“…”

He fully intended on making good on that promise. But first–
His head swam again.
— he needed to lie down.

He never realized how much rest these stupid things needed. EIGHT WHOLE HOURS?!?!
And it looked like Estri was taking her new role as poltergeist seriously — every time Jev was close to sleeping, she’d dump water on him, flip the bed, start a fire in the corner (he was NOT going to let his haunt burn down!)…
Eventually she got bored and he was able to sleep, but it felt like weights were attached to his eyelids now.
How did humans LIVE?!

And NOW his organs were eating themselves until he goes and puts something else for them to CHEW on inside him!
But on his way to the kitchen–
“GAH!”
–… he fell down the stairs.

“These — damn human — stupid —
GRAVITY!
Stupid, damn clumsy human limbs! Stupid, non-floating body!!!

He moved to get up — and immediately stopped at the PAIN in his…
Everything.
“Oh, yeah. AND they can get injured!”

Slowly, he got up and continued his trek.

While resting on the couch in the living room few hours later, he noticed a buzzing in his ears.
… It looked like some of the mosquitoes had survived Estri’s purge.
Well, whatever. He didn’t care.

But he couldn’t maintain that attitude for long.
On his fingers, in side his ear, along his arms — now, not only did he hurt, he ITCHED.

How. HOW was it this annoying!?!

Estri floated into the room.
“Ready to give up yet?”
“Like HELL!”
She sighed, “Then you leave me no choice.”

She sat on top of the empty fireplace.
“Your friends will be here any minute now.”
“!”
“I wonder how they’ll react when–”
“ALRIGHT!”
Estri grinned an all-tooth smile.

Jev had never felt so ashamed. But…
“You–” he choked, then ground out, “w i n. … What do you want?”
“I just want to be friends!” Estri chirped.

“–”
Jev could feel his eye twitching.

“All of this. All of this–
“I told you as much when I first moved in, remember? ‘I could never be friends with such a weak creature,’ you said. Well, I beat you! So, how about it?”
He did remember saying that. However.

“You made me live in this endless cycle of torture — I drink water, which I supposedly need to live — since I’ll die of this body dies — and then I need to let that same water back OUT — I consume, I exscrete, and repeat, over and over
“– and you want to be F R E I N D S ?!?!
“…”
“…”
“…”
“… heh… haha… HAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

Estri was pressed to the far wall, terrified.
A L R I G H T !” Jev was bent over, gasping for breath and crying from laughing so hard. “HA! … heh… jeez, kid…”
He stood up and held his hand out to shake.
“You got me good. Well played. If you stay silent about all this, then sure. What the hell — I’ll be your friend. Just NEVER. Do this. A G A I N.”Tentatively, but smiling, Estri floated over and shook his hand.
Afterwards, still chuckling, Jev said, “Y’know, when you die — you’d make a damn-good poltergeist!”


You will be able to buy this OSW as an ebook (for $0.99) in a few days!

One thought on “Poltermensch

  1. Pingback: OSWs 2019 (links) | Crossroad of Infinity

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